So I figured it was time to push the boat out in the world of online dating. I have always found the concept of 'dating' an alarming prospect as it never been the instigator of relationships for me. Lucky I guess but its a whole new world and after a seven year stint (which seems to be my average) sans significant other; I figured it was time to give it a crack.
So I got onboard and signed up for one of the more popular sites. I've always enjoyed the tales my friends regaled me with in their online dating adventures so I was anticipating similar bs along the way. As I clearly believe from my last post, someone always comes into your life to teach you something, this time (and dare I say it, the last three pseudo dating scenarios) have proved just that.
My issue too, is that I'm too empathetic and always immediately draw out the 'baggage' the would be suitor is dragging around. Interestingly this time, this individual seemed to have me pegged which is quite a feat. I must admit so I think I was more drawn in by the prospect that they 'got me' than any actual desire which in my opinion underpins any union. If you don't want to pillage their person then what's the point?
Having a partner is like holding a mirror up to yourself so its a good way to look at what you're not doing to mold your own life and in this particular case, I knew there was some stuff that wasn't being dealt with at my end. They said that I was afraid of love although it was clearly something I desired yet repelled and felt I didn't deserve. How right they are.
I broke into epiphany as I do after these liaisons and realised that is true however, I do tend to go quite the wrong way about it and know that in all senses my boundaries with men suck! It was this idea of 'love' and companionship I was chasing once again.
Everybody should feel safe here sharing their thoughts and feelings on these posts and I encourage everyone to BE THEMSELVES!
NB. If you're an a!%hole you can 'hop off' though!
The authors' ideas and perspective are solely hers except where duly credited to third parties.
This site does not provide prescriptive or medical advice. Readers should seek professional help with depression or anxiety symptoms.