I've been struck more often than not in conversations with people about their families and the common themes we have on this earth, there ain't no perfect one! Looking in, some appear to have it all together - two parents (with vocations), two kids, a family home, a pet, family holidays etc. But if you were in that family looking out? Dad is too strict, Mum has a drinking problem, one kid has a learning disability and you're the kid that might just be the glue that anchors the crazy together.
I have discovered among my friendships that those of us with a larger friend group are those that tend to find themselves more at 'home' with their group. I have friends who I love that have a small set of friends because theirs is quite close so they really don't need anyone else. I love that. I could say my family are fairly close, in that we all love each other very much; but we've definitely had our problems over the years. Fortunately, as time passes the sore memories of those difficulties have begun to fade into obscurity. That said, I am still the psychedelic sheep among them and they often don't understand my philosophies and path in life so I have purposely weaved a beautiful tapestry of friendships around the globe to feel valued and able to be myself 100%.
Sadly, I know all too well many of you who have never really enjoyed a moment in feeling secure and loved in the family unit or able to make close connections. Many of you are my brothers and sisters facing this illness and sometimes mostly alone. I would like to say to you especially, you're in my family now and you are special and you are LOVED.
Needing some love today? Come share with me over here.
I'm sure many of you, like myself would not think the 'unthinkable' would happen in that you would need to counsel a parent. My mother (a counsellor!) encountered a pretty rough situation in her workplace and needed a bit of help. It was in face, a little heartbreaking what had happened as Mum never loses it in a professional sense but a situation arose that ready tested her and in a very personal way. So, me having been in many professional stoushes in her life; got to give her the wisdom of dealing with bureaucracy and to how to stand your ground when something deeply personal enters your working sphere.
If you'd asked me ten years ago if we'd ever be in this position I would say hell no, my mother and I have had, at best; a strained relationship since my rebellious teens. I actually have my condition to thank for bringing me back into the family bosom and repairing that relationship. So, in this instance, I could see with adult eyes someone too who had suffered and could only work with the tools she been given through her own childhood and life experiences.
I find it interesting how, at a certain age; you look at the circle of life where your parents birth you then later you become the one that holds their hand when they leave this mortal coil. I don't feel it is morbid to think of it in these terms as there is a certain beauty in honouring the cycle of life however, it is with a touch of sadness that I won't bring some other life into this ether to have the same experience. Not all is lost however as in this instance, I got to be a parent to my parent for a moment and truly believe this moment bought about a wonderful circle of its own of in guidance and love.
Have you been the parent to your parent? I'd love your sharesies over here.
Mercury Retrograde is a bit of a f%*ker. Throw in a few eclipses and talk about releasing the Krakken of emotional stuff! Astro-leanings aside, it has been a good time to examine those old patterns of fear that crop up and understand the 'misunderstandings'.
When its happens (and it did for me) I turn into the overtired toddler who cries for attention. I had a little incident which my besties kindly guided me through as usually they need to 'tough love' me through things when I climb up on my high unicorn. It can be hard to remove yourself from the situation and look at it like a curious passerby who doesn't know the back story of the incident that presents itself. Attempting to form a position not from your perspective is not easy but then wtf is when it comes to 'adulting'.
Reflecting on what has transpired and that 'no one died' in the process, is a great technique to get you through through the shadow effect of the 'Grade or basically anything that may cause you to throw your toys out of the cot. On the flip side you can just drink wine and bore your friends to death with your sh*t. I'm working on trying to move away from the latter in favour of reflecting on getting through emotional incidents and seeing what the experience has to offer in moving forward. Old patterns, can and do; emerge when our world gets a little shaky.
I have found this period to be definitely very enlightening when looking at some patterns that presented themselves. Firstly, I have discovered I have sh*tty boundaries when its comes to men and secondly, I'm a shocker at old self-sabotaging. Yes, you may wonder how I get through the day! So armed with this fresh knowledge I embarked on a Boundary Bootcamp online with the wonderful Terri Cole and thought I would try out some EFT methods with David Childerley. Learning new coping strategies can take time but time is something have and doesn't time heal all wounds?
How did you make it through the Retrograde? I'd love you to share here.
I work as a temp (not sure if I mentioned that before, but more stories will spring from this!) so I am consistently thrust into new environments that require one to form new associations. For many people, that's like putting them on stage and saying you must now entertain a thousand people. Kill me now I hear you say, and I do understand that for many of us a new environment can deliver a truckload of anxiety. This is one area I am fortunate, as I have moved towns and cities since I could talk and while in my younger years it wasn't so great (13 schools if you will), it has stood me in good stead in the adaptability department.
Late last year I had begun a new assignment with an architecture firm and as luck would have it; it turned out the new office manager and I had worked in the same studios in London in our 'glory' days. A new bond formed (hurrah!) and not only did we share a penchant for adventure, we were both finding it a challenge as our respective personalities were polar opposites to our new co-workers. New association solidified!
Anyway, it got me to thinking about how in past years, in circulating workplaces; how very few people I bonded with in a more long term focus. I know many people have the same friend circles their whole lives and I definitely have a 'soul group' of friends but it does become necessary down the track - say if your partner has a social job or you join a mothers group - that one is forced into making an alliance or two. These can be fraught of course as some early friendships don't stand the test of time but it is a wonderful exercise in your world to step beyond the known and kind of 'let it all out' with a new person - even if over champers at a Xmas party when you should be gasping over the structure of a bazillion dollar island home your firm's built you are canape-ing at!
However, I feel when you go out there with bravery and a smidge of trust in the Universe; you will do find people who share your sensibilities or afflictions. I do of course have those 'burrow' moments of being socially reticent but I do think if you can push the boat out now and then, a wonderful tribe might be waiting on that island to embrace the awesomeness of you. And who doesn't want to feel awesome?!
What's the weirdest and best place you made a great new friend? Share with me here.
Everybody should feel safe here sharing their thoughts and feelings on these posts and I encourage everyone to BE THEMSELVES!
NB. If you're an a!%hole you can 'hop off' though!
The authors' ideas and perspective are solely hers except where duly credited to third parties.
This site does not provide prescriptive or medical advice. Readers should seek professional help with depression or anxiety symptoms.