I have an Aryan (Aries) Moon which makes me quite impulsive and I do tend to jump into people and situations without 'looking' that, of course, don't always work out well. While my feelings may get hurt more than most, I have my optimistic Libran rising cheerily chalking it up to experience while my logical Aquarian side goes "WTF! When will you learn?!". Astro' leanings aside, I think not looking before you leap can be a good idea. Let's face if, if you knew that the leap would land you on the rocks and not the water, would you even jump?
I guess the lesson is just to keep on going because not all the situations are bad in playing the love game; there is plenty of good too. My latest good? New perfume and road tripping adventures and those are things I like! We sadly sometimes focus on the unpleasantness rather than the good stuff and being sensitive souls can put us off putting ourselves out there. My dear friend, Lesley hit the nail on the head when she said "you have to go to every dogfight" and she really just means you might get lucky at the dog park (sorry guys not all of you are dogs!) but you gotta go out there and take every opportunity to find out! Believe that you'll get lucky in either a beautiful moment or two or a wonderful life lesson. Doesn't fortune favour the brave though?
While I'm currently sporting a #bruisedheart I won't give up on the pursuit of amour as it a) would be against my nature and b) I do believe you gotta kiss a whole lot of frogs to find your Prince 😁
Got yourself a Prince? Or had a few too many dogs? Share here.
I've been struck more often than not in conversations with people about their families and the common themes we have on this earth, there ain't no perfect one! Looking in, some appear to have it all together - two parents (with vocations), two kids, a family home, a pet, family holidays etc. But if you were in that family looking out? Dad is too strict, Mum has a drinking problem, one kid has a learning disability and you're the kid that might just be the glue that anchors the crazy together.
I have discovered among my friendships that those of us with a larger friend group are those that tend to find themselves more at 'home' with their group. I have friends who I love that have a small set of friends because theirs is quite close so they really don't need anyone else. I love that. I could say my family are fairly close, in that we all love each other very much; but we've definitely had our problems over the years. Fortunately, as time passes the sore memories of those difficulties have begun to fade into obscurity. That said, I am still the psychedelic sheep among them and they often don't understand my philosophies and path in life so I have purposely weaved a beautiful tapestry of friendships around the globe to feel valued and able to be myself 100%.
Sadly, I know all too well many of you who have never really enjoyed a moment in feeling secure and loved in the family unit or able to make close connections. Many of you are my brothers and sisters facing this illness and sometimes mostly alone. I would like to say to you especially, you're in my family now and you are special and you are LOVED.
Needing some love today? Come share with me over here.
I'm sure many of you, like myself would not think the 'unthinkable' would happen in that you would need to counsel a parent. My mother (a counsellor!) encountered a pretty rough situation in her workplace and needed a bit of help. It was in face, a little heartbreaking what had happened as Mum never loses it in a professional sense but a situation arose that ready tested her and in a very personal way. So, me having been in many professional stoushes in her life; got to give her the wisdom of dealing with bureaucracy and to how to stand your ground when something deeply personal enters your working sphere.
If you'd asked me ten years ago if we'd ever be in this position I would say hell no, my mother and I have had, at best; a strained relationship since my rebellious teens. I actually have my condition to thank for bringing me back into the family bosom and repairing that relationship. So, in this instance, I could see with adult eyes someone too who had suffered and could only work with the tools she been given through her own childhood and life experiences.
I find it interesting how, at a certain age; you look at the circle of life where your parents birth you then later you become the one that holds their hand when they leave this mortal coil. I don't feel it is morbid to think of it in these terms as there is a certain beauty in honouring the cycle of life however, it is with a touch of sadness that I won't bring some other life into this ether to have the same experience. Not all is lost however as in this instance, I got to be a parent to my parent for a moment and truly believe this moment bought about a wonderful circle of its own of in guidance and love.
Have you been the parent to your parent? I'd love your sharesies over here.
Mercury Retrograde is a bit of a f%*ker. Throw in a few eclipses and talk about releasing the Krakken of emotional stuff! Astro-leanings aside, it has been a good time to examine those old patterns of fear that crop up and understand the 'misunderstandings'.
When its happens (and it did for me) I turn into the overtired toddler who cries for attention. I had a little incident which my besties kindly guided me through as usually they need to 'tough love' me through things when I climb up on my high unicorn. It can be hard to remove yourself from the situation and look at it like a curious passerby who doesn't know the back story of the incident that presents itself. Attempting to form a position not from your perspective is not easy but then wtf is when it comes to 'adulting'.
Reflecting on what has transpired and that 'no one died' in the process, is a great technique to get you through through the shadow effect of the 'Grade or basically anything that may cause you to throw your toys out of the cot. On the flip side you can just drink wine and bore your friends to death with your sh*t. I'm working on trying to move away from the latter in favour of reflecting on getting through emotional incidents and seeing what the experience has to offer in moving forward. Old patterns, can and do; emerge when our world gets a little shaky.
I have found this period to be definitely very enlightening when looking at some patterns that presented themselves. Firstly, I have discovered I have sh*tty boundaries when its comes to men and secondly, I'm a shocker at old self-sabotaging. Yes, you may wonder how I get through the day! So armed with this fresh knowledge I embarked on a Boundary Bootcamp online with the wonderful Terri Cole and thought I would try out some EFT methods with David Childerley. Learning new coping strategies can take time but time is something have and doesn't time heal all wounds?
How did you make it through the Retrograde? I'd love you to share here.
I work as a temp (not sure if I mentioned that before, but more stories will spring from this!) so I am consistently thrust into new environments that require one to form new associations. For many people, that's like putting them on stage and saying you must now entertain a thousand people. Kill me now I hear you say, and I do understand that for many of us a new environment can deliver a truckload of anxiety. This is one area I am fortunate, as I have moved towns and cities since I could talk and while in my younger years it wasn't so great (13 schools if you will), it has stood me in good stead in the adaptability department.
Late last year I had begun a new assignment with an architecture firm and as luck would have it; it turned out the new office manager and I had worked in the same studios in London in our 'glory' days. A new bond formed (hurrah!) and not only did we share a penchant for adventure, we were both finding it a challenge as our respective personalities were polar opposites to our new co-workers. New association solidified!
Anyway, it got me to thinking about how in past years, in circulating workplaces; how very few people I bonded with in a more long term focus. I know many people have the same friend circles their whole lives and I definitely have a 'soul group' of friends but it does become necessary down the track - say if your partner has a social job or you join a mothers group - that one is forced into making an alliance or two. These can be fraught of course as some early friendships don't stand the test of time but it is a wonderful exercise in your world to step beyond the known and kind of 'let it all out' with a new person - even if over champers at a Xmas party when you should be gasping over the structure of a bazillion dollar island home your firm's built you are canape-ing at!
However, I feel when you go out there with bravery and a smidge of trust in the Universe; you will do find people who share your sensibilities or afflictions. I do of course have those 'burrow' moments of being socially reticent but I do think if you can push the boat out now and then, a wonderful tribe might be waiting on that island to embrace the awesomeness of you. And who doesn't want to feel awesome?!
What's the weirdest and best place you made a great new friend? Share with me here.
So I figured it was time to push the boat out in the world of online dating. I have always found the concept of 'dating' an alarming prospect as it has never been the instigator of relationships for me. Lucky I guess but its a whole new world and after a seven-year stint (which seems to be my average) sans significant other; I figured it was time to give it a crack.
Having enjoyed the tales my friends regaled me with in their online dating adventures, I signed up for one of the popular sites; anticipating similar bs along the way. As I clearly believe from my last post, someone always comes into your life to teach you something, this time (and dare I say it, the last three pseudo dating scenarios I've endured) have proved just that.
My issue too is that I'm too empathetic and tend to draw out any 'baggage' any would be suitor is carting about a little too early in the exercise. This time around though, my suitor seemed to have me pegged which is quite a feat. I must admit I think I was more drawn in by the prospect that they 'got me' than any actual desire for the person, which in my opinion underpins any union. If you don't want to pillage their person then what's the point?
Having a partner is like holding a mirror up to yourself (I've read). It's a good way to look at what you're not doing to mold your own being. In this particular case, I knew there was some stuff that wasn't being dealt with at my end. The fellow in this story said that I was afraid of love although it was clearly something I desired yet repelled and felt I didn't deserve. How right he was.
I broke into epiphany as I do during (but mostly after!) these liaisons and realised that is true however, I do tend to go quite the wrong way about it and know that in all senses my boundaries with men suck! It was this idea of 'love' and companionship I was chasing once again. This time however I took the idea of the 'lesson' on board and did the right thing. Quit the union and took a hard look into the dark recesses of my heart and shone a light on the aches hiding there. I also tuned into some great material on the subject of boundaries by one of my favourite ladies, Terri Cole.
So the upshot is, I turned a corner on what a relationship should mean to me. It's an additive not a fixative to that red pumpy thing under my left boob. Lesson learned and this time round I'm not emotionally bruised by it.
Got a heartache you'd like to share? I'm all ears.
So I figured it was time to push the boat out in the world of online dating. I have always found the concept of 'dating' an alarming prospect as it never been the instigator of relationships for me. Lucky I guess but its a whole new world and after a seven year stint (which seems to be my average) sans significant other; I figured it was time to give it a crack.
So I got onboard and signed up for one of the more popular sites. I've always enjoyed the tales my friends regaled me with in their online dating adventures so I was anticipating similar bs along the way. As I clearly believe from my last post, someone always comes into your life to teach you something, this time (and dare I say it, the last three pseudo dating scenarios) have proved just that.
My issue too, is that I'm too empathetic and always immediately draw out the 'baggage' the would be suitor is dragging around. Interestingly this time, this individual seemed to have me pegged which is quite a feat. I must admit so I think I was more drawn in by the prospect that they 'got me' than any actual desire which in my opinion underpins any union. If you don't want to pillage their person then what's the point?
Having a partner is like holding a mirror up to yourself so its a good way to look at what you're not doing to mold your own life and in this particular case, I knew there was some stuff that wasn't being dealt with at my end. They said that I was afraid of love although it was clearly something I desired yet repelled and felt I didn't deserve. How right they are.
I broke into epiphany as I do after these liaisons and realised that is true however, I do tend to go quite the wrong way about it and know that in all senses my boundaries with men suck! It was this idea of 'love' and companionship I was chasing once again.
Many of you will have heard this saying (inset) and it really does hold true. Sometimes you do have to break up with friends and it's hard. We've all been there and I've been 'dumped' too. I guess the trick is to let go graciously as if it was a love relationship which it is really. You have to move on, not necessarily filling that person's space; but thanking them (mentally) for the good times but also for the gift of the relationship that helped you grow as a person and hopefully a better friend.
My friendships have always been the most important thing in the world to me (sometimes to my detriment!) and there's nothing like a (mental) illness to truly test those around you and see who goes into (and stays) bat for you.
I have been blessed that many friends (some reaching the third-decade mark!) did just that and I was surprised too at some of the newer friends (a decade or less) that really showed up. There are those that too, that have suffered.
When I returned home to live in my families town, I reacquainted with two old friends who had both also returned to the family bosom due in part to dysfunctional relationships and the resulting A&D. We laughed about our teenage exploits and who was now taking the most medication. It was refreshing to have a ready made sounding board when you are feeling defeat and can reach out to those also suffering similarly. That said, I did come across a few that hadn't really changed in the resulting years and fortunately, they weeded themselves out of my life of their own volition.
In any circumstances, friendships teach us so much about ourselves and strengthen the gratitude that someone else gives that much of a f$%k about you even if you can't always return the favour.
To all the friends, I've loved before, THANK YOU!!!
Sometimes it appears wise to look back over my journey and think about pivotal moments. Moments when you felt you were achieving more and that the tides had turned in your favour (or not!).
I've had several moments when I thought this less than lovely place in my life had finally been put to bed. Last year for instance, I got a TV gig and then six weeks later I was back in the black space as the employer realised actually he couldn't afford me in the production budget. The devastation was indescribable as I had thought I had reached a coming out moment after my illness had taken me out of my earlier career. Alas it was not meant to be.
I can look at that moment now without emotion. I do feel I am right where I am meant to be but that feeling of failure after such a long time healing and working toward returning to a career (a career built over 20 years of hard yakka no less!), I truly wondered at that time if would ever work in something that meaning to me again.
Interestingly even though I had started my book a month before that job offer came into play (two in fact, I turned down the other much to my horror!) it still took many months before it was clear that writing is where my heart and focus should be. I may be doing this one year from now and still have a small audience but you are my audience! And as much as I write I feel become a stronger person and it would seem to integrate these life lessons into my being. In essence I think looking back periodically is an excellent way to continue moving forward.
What makes you stronger?
Having started another job, I had a full week of finishing one and throwing myself into the next one and what flies out the door and when you are under the pump; is routine.
As an Aquarian, the idea of routine is a dark nightmare that sucks your soul of freedom but as I have gotten older, there has become a certain satisfaction in having a few routines. I realise that it brings with it, a sense of safety and comfort.
Routine is good for us who really get into a panic when all does do not go to plan - that's life honey - but in having some part of your life follow an iota of a routine (even if its just what you do getting up in the morning) can be useful in employing some calm.
For me the hot water flush for my liver and kidneys, zushing my barista style soy latte, opening the curtains with the affirmation 'good morning, morning!', observing the weather and then returning to bed with said latte to review emails or jot down creative bits that stick in my mind; is a little routine just helps get the day on track.
I realise routine is a dirty word to many and impossible for some due to partners and family demands however if there is one hour of your day you can apply some routine to, try it out. I look forward to my morning barista stint. Coffee highs are one thing but the essence of familiarity and moment of joy a bit of routine brings to the daily storm is priceless.
What's your favourite routine?
Everybody should feel safe here sharing their thoughts and feelings on these posts and I encourage everyone to BE THEMSELVES!
NB. If you're an a!%hole you can 'hop off' though!
The authors' ideas and perspective are solely hers except where duly credited to third parties.
This site does not provide prescriptive or medical advice. Readers should seek professional help with depression or anxiety symptoms.