I consider myself a pretty smart capable human being (when I'm not pre-mental of course). That said, like many of us I struggle with worthiness which strangely I do not equate with self-esteem (that part is ok depending on whether I'm down the hole or not).
For reasons I'm still working on, I haven't quite mastered the "I'm Worth It" demon which shows up at my place of work frequently. I'm currently earning a buck as a temp (as many will relate full-time work isn't always the best panacea for us afflicted sorts) so I am tripping between offices around the city. I always strive to improve my environment whether it is implementing processes or empowering co-workers to speak up for themselves if not being treated correctly (my biggest workplace bug bear I might add) and feel good about themselves.
I recently did a six week stint in a front line role at a large financial entity keeping an eye on the mechanics of comings and goings, facility issues and helping improve things I thought needed attention. Was this appreciated? No! My worthiness has always been largely tied up in my work and now that I've come to terms with my career prospects descending (due to illness and age) rather than taking flight; its these moments of making a difference (in my eyes at least) that compounds those feelings greatly.
So what to do? Write it down here! Log it like a time sheet of good deeds in the Universe! Put up an imaginary balloon and streamers celebrating the fact that I went out there and did my best. I have acknowledged to myself whether or not I get a spoonful of praise, I'm a worthy human being. Somewhere along the way, I've helped somebody and/or changed something for the better and that's worthwhile. How do you kick that worthiness b#tch to the kerb?
Thank you for stopping by.
Everybody should feel safe here sharing their thoughts and feelings on these posts and I encourage everyone to BE THEMSELVES!
NB. If you're an a!%hole you can 'hop off' though!
The authors' ideas and perspective are solely hers except where duly credited to third parties.
This site does not provide prescriptive or medical advice. Readers should seek professional help with depression or anxiety symptoms.